17 [S2 E2] John - Finding Out At Age 10

An interview with John, an adoptee who accidentally discovered he was adopted at age 10. We unpack the strain this placed on his relationship with his adoptive parents and the trust issues this has caused him throughout his life. John also shares how his birthmother found him, and the warm reception he’s received from his extended family.

Show Notes

Topics We Discussed

  • Pregnancy in 1960s, birthmother was placed in a home for unwed mothers by her parents

  • His birthmother requested that the agency give her details to John when he turned 18 (they did not honour this)

  • John doesn’t know where he was for the first nine months of his life

  • Finding out accidentally that he was adopted, around age 10; adoptive mother lying to him at age 7 that he was not adopted when he asked

  • Fantasizing about who his birthparents might be

  • Loss of all trust with his adoptive parents, felt he couldn’t believe anything they told him

  • Adoptive father became an alcoholic and left the family

  • Before he passed away, John’s adoptive father shared some extremely hurtful things with John about his adoption and his adoptive mother

  • Relationships with his adoptive mother continues to fragment and be distant

  • Searching for his birthmother,

  • Birthmother finding John via Prodigy (old internet service provider)

  • Receiving letters of welcome from his maternal extended family

  • Building a relationship with his birthmother

  • Navigating reunion (she's got secondary infertility); adding John on to her life insurance was really hard for him to accept

  • Trust issues, insecurities, difficulty finding a therapist

  • Possibly searching with his adoptive sister for her bio family

  • Giveaway! Listen to the podcast episode to find out how to enter to win!

  • Secret Facebook Group for Adoptees On - access via www.adopteeson.com/partner