Healing Series: Finding Allies

Lesli and I answer a listener question from Kate: How do we talk to significant others or friends about your feelings about being adopted? Any advice for how to teach a non-adopted partner or friend to be an ally?

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Show Notes


Topics We Discussed

Listener Question from Kate: I'm not married, but I am in a serious relationship. My partner is not adopted and doesn't have any experience with adoption. He is very supportive of me and genuinely listens to me when I need to vent about adoption stuff. But even still, I often wind up feeling like I have to justify my feelings in our conversations. Not because he's being antagonistic, but just because he's coming from a different perspective -- and I think it's hard to put yourself in an adoptee's perspective if you've never lived it.

I guess my question is, what are some strategies for having real conversations about adoption with people in your life that don't have experience with adoption? Obviously it's always best if you can talk to a therapist, but ideally you should also be able to talk to your partner or close friends when something agitates you and you want to talk about it. Any advice for how to teach a non-adopted partner or friend to be an ally?

  • Listen to the Adoptees On podcast together and have a conversation about it afterwards
  • Would your partner be open to reading some of the “must read” adoptee books?
    1. You Don’t Look Adopted by Anne Heffron
    2. The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
  • Watching a movie that has an adoption theme and talking about it afterwards

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