Healing Series: Romantic Relationships with Marta Drachenberg, LMHC

Adoptees often struggle in intimate-partner relationships because we had our trust broken at a very early age. In this episode of the healing series, Marta Drachenberg, LMHC, and Haley discuss some personal examples of relationship issues that seem to keep repeating themselves. Marta teaches us what to look out for, how attachment styles affect our relationships, and how some disagreements with our partners can actually be caused by adoption-issues in disguise.

Show Notes


Topics We Discussed

  • Adoptees - we’ve lost our sense of innate trust, as it was broken as soon as we were relinquished
  • “To love at all is to be vulnerable” CS Lewis
  • Intimate partner relationships ask us to be vulnerable
  • Attachment styles are fluid - read more in Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel SF Heller
  • Marta explains the different attachment styles
  • Talking about some adoptee relationship examples on Here and Now (HBO show)
  • Trust is a spectrum. We can move towards trust.
  • We can notice what we’re really triggered by, or overreacting to.
  • Things we can be thinking, but likely aren’t related to our partner’s actions, instead are adoption-related: Why aren’t you hear? Where are you? How could you leave?
  • Marta’s first Healing Episode about Internal Family Systems
  • Another book Marta has previously recommended about IFS and relationships: You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, Bringing Courageous Love To Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz

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