188 Ask Me Anything
/Transcript
Full shownotes: https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/188
Haley Radke: [00:00:00] You're listening to Adoptees On, the podcast where adoptees discuss the adoption experience. This is Episode 188, Haley. I'm your host, Haley Radke. Today is our first episode back from a summer break, which I can tell you a little bit later on about. But I'm so excited to be recording again and chatting with you, so thank you so much.
I actually had several folks message me and say, We're sad that you're on a break, but it's such a good example for us in knowing that we can take breaks, too. So that made me feel pretty good about my choice to have the break, even though it did feel, probably on your end, maybe really long and, Haley, what are you doing? Are you even coming back? Anyway, I'm so glad to be back with you, and today we are doing something a little bit [00:01:00] different. It's going to be a solo show, and I'm going to do an Ask Me Anything. Last week, I asked my social media followers, so on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, @adopteeson, I asked if you had any questions for me. I collected a bunch of questions from folks, and I'm going to answer them.
This is to celebrate five years of podcasting, and there's been a lot of changes since I first started the show five years ago. Some of the questions are about updates, and some are like, I don't know, if you guys think I'm like some kind of wise woman or something. Some of the questions you asked, I'm like, This is not a question for me. So I'm going to skip those, but I appreciate you thinking that I could answer them. I come to the show, I'm a layperson. I'm not a therapist or anything, so it's just my opinions from my personal experience living as an adopted person in this world.
First, [00:02:00] I want to tell you about my summer break. I have two boys, and they are age seven and nine. And so it's this age where they're a little bit more independent and they still need you quite a bit, but definitely not as much as the early years. And so I've really tried so hard to shift my work life to fit in the times when they are in school, so that when they're home, like on summer break, I can be fully Mom and present and watching them grow up because, God, I hate the cliché: The days are long, but the years are short. It's so true. It is so true. When I started the podcast, I had a baby. My youngest was just a wee tiny thing, and it's amazing to me to think about how [00:03:00] I fit in recording around tiny people and preschoolers and toddlers. I don't know how I did it. Frankly, it was late at night, there would be lots of editing late at night.
When my Patreon started, I started using some of the money. Honestly, I paid a babysitter to come to the house so that I could work on the show for a few extra hours in the day if they were awake and such. Now I'm able to pay my editor and other folks. I'll tell you more about that another time. But I'm so thankful for the Patreon support because that's what has kept the show going, the money has kept the show going, which I'm so grateful for.
That is one of the big reasons I really wanted to have a break to focus on being Mom. So summer break was good. It was good. It was weird because of the pandemic and all of the things that go along with how it looks different in the world right [00:04:00] now. But I'll tell you about a really meaningful experience that I had. I was able to have a surprise birthday party thrown for me by my biological dad. They set this whole birthday party thing up. I really wasn't expecting it. I was very quite shocked but it was so special to celebrate with my siblings.
We've been in reunion for 10 years now, and one of the questions actually is about that, and I'll just read it here. This is from Sarah. She is a supporter of the podcast: "Now that you have been in reunion with your birth dad and siblings for several years, does it feel more “'normal”–whatever that is–or “comfortable?"
And my answer to that is, yes, it does feel more normal and it's just they're a part of our lives. They are Grammy and Poppy to my little ones, and aunt and uncle, and it's just for my [00:05:00] kids, they've always known them. So to our family, it's very normal and natural now, and so it was really special to celebrate a birthday with them and, honestly, I'll treasure that memory for a long time. I'm getting a little choked up just thinking about it.
So that was really beautiful. My stepmom, I suppose, made me this wonderful gluten-free cake. I'm pretty sure it was my first homemade gluten-free cake that someone else has made for me since I've been diagnosed celiac over the last couple years. So that was just amazing, a real treat. That was awesome. Totally awesome. The reason my break was not fully amazing was I had a good month, I would say, a good month full of grief, and here's where the adoptee thing comes in. Probably some of you can relate to this. [00:06:00] I actually was reading Barbara Sumner's fabulous book, Tree of Strangers. We did a Book Club episode about it on Patreon, and I hope to have her on the show this fall sometime. Anyway, it's just a really amazing book, and in the story, I won't spoil anything, but it's her memoir and something tragic happens. So I went straight to Google and googled my maternal side. Do you ever do that? You don't have to tell me, but I know that a lot of us do this if we're not in reunion or anymore, if we've been cut off. And I googled her name and found out that my maternal grandfather had passed away in June. It was such a weird experience because, first of all, you're finding out by googling, which doesn't feel good, and it had happened [00:07:00] already a month prior and the service had already happened. It was just done. And for me, he was the first person to welcome me back in to their side of the family. When I wrote my letter to introduce myself once I had my adoption records, they still lived in that family home from when my first mother was a teen. And so I wrote to them, and he was the first person to email me and connect with me. He was so excited, and I had such welcoming messages from him. I probably read some of them in my first episode about myself in Season One. I don't know. I'm not going back to listen to that because I just... Too many feelings. I also kept in touch with him longer. Once my first mother cut off [00:08:00] contact with me, I would see him, I don't know, probably not even once a year, but semi-annually and occasionally would get an email from him. So we kept in touch the longest, and I really thought that at some point I would get to introduce my kids to him, that he would be the reconnection point. So to find out that he was gone, it just felt so final and icky. I don't know. I really was in grief, mourning him and mourning the loss of the thought he was going to be my way back in. I don't know if that was naive, but that was always in the back of my mind. So that was really sad.
And the other piece of that is, who do you tell that to? I didn't want to go to my friends with that. The only people I told were [00:09:00] my adoptee friends, my closest adoptee friends, and they got it and they cried with me. I didn't tell my in-person friends who aren't adopted. I think I've only told one or two of them, and it was much later, because I didn't want the questions. I don't know. I don't really have friends that would be super insensitive because they all know what I do and such. But I just still had that fear that they wouldn't get it. Like, you’re not allowed to be in so much grief because you didn't really know him. So what if you weren't mentioned in the obituary? So what if you're a family secret? Duh, did you expect to be? None of my friends would have really said anything like that, but that's the fear, right? That if you're real about how much you wanted that relationship and that it's just gone. Yeah, it's painful. Painful to think about.
So yeah, that was a big wrench in my summer [00:10:00] because once you switch into grief mode everything else just is hard. I've struggled with depression for a lot of my life, and I'm not depressed right now. I feel much better and I do feel like I was able to grieve. But luckily it was the advice from fellow adoptees saying, Okay, why don't you write him a letter and say your goodbyes that way? They kept me from reaching out to my maternal family when I, on impulse, wanted to do that, because they're grieving their dad. They're grieving their partner. I was like, Yes, that's right. It's not a good time. So I really appreciated that support I did get from my fellow adoptees.
So yeah, that was a whole thing. You know what? Being adopted is a whole thing. And if it's not one thing, it's another, right? So this connects to a question I got [00:11:00] asked by Angela. Thank you. She says: "Do you ever regret starting Adoptees On?"
And in moments like this, where my first family could listen to this podcast and hear my real thoughts on adoption and the challenges it's brought my life, I worry that if they had heard this, this was the last nail so there'd be no opportunity in future to have a relationship with any of them because of this work that I do and what I've brought into the world with this podcast.
So that's a regret. And it's very brief because I think that the connection Adoptees On has brought and the openness and transparency it hopefully has brought to many adoptees about [00:12:00] actually examining the impact adoption has had on our lives, I think if that was the price I had to pay, I'm willing because it's so important. From what I've heard from listeners, that the show has had such an impact on your healing journeys. Even if it cost me that connection, the possibility for reconnection, I think I still would have gone ahead. So hopefully past Haley would have been brave enough for that. So I really…yeah.
It's a tough question, right? Do you wish the thing that you brought into the world, do you wish you had not done it? No, I don't regret starting the podcast. The only moments I really do are late Monday night. If things are not ready yet to go to my editor, then I'm like, Ugh, Haley, [00:13:00] why? Why are you so late? Then I might regret it in those moments.
On a lighter note, someone sent me a private DM and asked: "Are there any books, adoptee- or non-adoptee related, that you read this summer that you can recommend?"
Okay. My favorite book that I read this summer, and I'm so sorry if you're like, Oh my gosh, of course, everybody read that book. Whatever. I loved it. Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. It was so good. I told Nick, my husband, that if I could re-read that book and be surprised all over again, like re-read it not remembering the first time, I would give anything to have that experience over again. It was so good. I don't usually really read sci-fi books, really. I love psychological horror, scary [00:14:00] stuff, whatever. It just is what it is. But I loved that book so much. I'm not going to say anything more about it because I don't want to spoil it. But even if you're not super into sci-fi, it's so interesting and it's just very captivating. It is a page-turner if there ever was one. So I loved that book.
And adoptee-related this summer, I already mentioned that Barbara Sumner's book, Tree of Strangers, was excellent. Excellent memoir. I absolutely loved it. And yeah, that would probably be my top one I read this summer. We've been reading a lot of adoptee-authored books in our Patreon Book Club so if you go to adopteeson.com/partner and join Patreon, all the recordings from our Book Club are available and they're such good discussions. So sometimes we'll have the author with us, like Barbara did, as a guest. We got to ask her questions about the book. And then sometimes we [00:15:00] have a panel of adoptee readers with us and that is so fun because I'm just like, Oh my goodness, y'all are so insightful and you pull out all these things about the book that I never would have seen and the symbolism. It’s just so good reading adoptee books with other adoptees. They just see into them and pull out all this symbolism and I'm just so impressed. I have so many smart readers reading along with us. It's just such a treat. That's one of my favorite things that we do.
Grant asked on Facebook: "How's the best way to find a counselor that is an adoptee in the area you live in?"
So I actually did an episode, it's probably my only other solo episode (that's so funny) way, way back. Okay, so you have to scroll super, super far back. It's Episode 32, How to Choose a Therapist. So [00:16:00] I talk you through how to find an adoption-competent therapist. At the time, I don't think I was pressing for adoptees who are specifically therapists, but now there is a fantastic list that if you are an adoptee therapist, you can self-register on this list. So if you go to growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory, or search “adoptee therapist directory” in Google, you can find this great list. Now, it is American, and I know I have listeners outside of the States, so yeah, give Episode 32 a listen. It gives you some tips on what kind of practice to look for. I think the practice I found, they work a lot with foster kids, and so they are trauma-informed and [00:17:00] have an idea of that. My psychologist, she's not adopted but she's very up on attachment trauma and trauma-informed practices. She's excellent. You might not find an adoptee who is a therapist in your specific area. Lots of folks now are doing online work as well. They even do EMDR online, which is amazing. So there are so many more options. I hope that will be helpful to you. Those two things: the Adoptee Therapist Directory and Episode 32 of the podcast.
The next question is from Susan: “I notice many adoptees reclaiming their names or part of their names on their original birth certificates. Is that something you have ever considered?”
I actually love my name, Haley, and I got married super-duper young. I was almost 21 when I got married. And so I [00:18:00] took my husband's last name, and so I've never really considered it. I do know what my name was at birth, and I think of it sometimes, but I'm never like, Oh, that's really…. it doesn't feel like me. The other thing about my name that I was given at birth is it has similar letters to Haley, so I'm like, Oh, it's connected. So I feel like I have a little bit of that. I've only thought of it in ways of trying to reclaim my own identity in some way. And I feel like I've done that more through figuring out my preferences and what I really like and what I really want. I know it sounds silly even just to say that but, truly, so much of my life I just went along with whatever other people were doing because I wanted to stay connected and not give a [00:19:00] reason for rejection and those kinds of things. So that's more how I've done my identity reclamation, I feel, just really getting to know what do I want versus changing my name.
However, whenever I see someone change their name. It just happened in the Patreon group a little bit ago. One of our beloved members changed her name, and I got so excited for her and literally felt this huge... I don't know. There's this surge of pride in the bravery it takes. I just felt so happy for them. And I had another friend change his name last year, I think, and whenever I think to call him his old name, I'm like, no, he has a new name now. And it feels, I don't know, powerful to call him his new name. So I love it. I love it when people do that, and I realize it's not just this fun post that you can put up and be like, Oh, I changed my name. There's more to it than that, and [00:20:00] it's complex. But I think it's so amazing when folks do that.
Paul asks: "Do your emotions or will our emotions ever quit churning?"
Not for me, Paul. They’ve never quit churning. About adoption stuff, I think it's ebbs and flows. I really do. And I know it's very personal to each person. I mentioned earlier that I have struggled with depression on and off throughout my life, and I'm in a better spot right now, but there's always this knowledge that the depression could come again. So I'm just more cognizant of that and aware of it, and I try really hard to be like, okay, I know this, these are some of the signs. I know I need to intervene right now before it gets worse and look for support. So I feel like maybe more awareness comes over time, [00:21:00] but, I'm sorry, we're humans. We're humans. And just being in the world has a huge impact on us living our lives.
Of course, we're going to have feelings. I do see folks, though, that come into the community and some of the language we use sometimes is coming out of the fog, right? They'll realize the impact adoption has had on their life, and then they'll go through it and process, hopefully with a counselor and hopefully with an adoption competent therapist, and get trauma-informed treatment, and they heal a lot of things and figure out good strategies for boundaries within their relationships. All those good things. And then they come to a point where they feel more whole. I see it go both ways. They either decide [00:22:00] to stay in the community and become more active and maybe are working in legislative work or just trying to support adoptees in various ways, maybe through searching or helping, helping them along out of the fog or accessing resources. And then I also see those folks that they're like, Okay, adoption is not my whole identity and I feel much more whole and able to function in this world as a regular human. And they move on out of the community and go back to their life and just carry on. Adoption is a piece of their identity but it doesn't become this whole identity.
I think both of those things are healthy and, honestly, I'm like, "Good for you. You're out. I cheer for both of those things. Boy, that was a long answer to that question, but yeah. Yeah. No, you will always have feelings because you're a human being.
Okay, I love this question, [00:23:00] and I've had a little bit of time to think about it, but I hope that in a month or two from now I'll have a way better answer, okay? So this is just what's top of mind for me. If you have an answer to this question, I want to hear about it too. Maybe post below if you see this episode artwork on Instagram or Facebook or YouTube, post below what your answer to this question is.
Kelly from Patreon asks: "If you had a million dollars, what is the first place you would invest in to help the cause of adoptees?"
Kelly, I love this question so much. Honestly, my first go-to, and I think this is just my bent, is adoptee mental health. To me that looks like paying for adoptees to go to adoption-competent therapists. That looks like helping folks who are needing [00:24:00] recovery programs so that they get adoption-competent support. That really is investing in our mental health. It is so important to me, and building community is one piece of that. But you know how many times I say if you can afford it, please be in therapy. And it's just everything else in your life can change if you can come to a place of wholeness. I just really believe that. And, if there were so many more of us who were feeling well and able to serve out of this place of mental wellbeing, we could do such great things together. I really feel like it because there's so many things, hurt people. Traumatized people traumatize people. There's so many nasty things we see happening in the shadows and in adoption land [00:25:00], sometimes in the forefront, and I feel like if we had more wellness, that would have a really big impact. So there you go.
But I would love to hear from you guys what you would do with a million dollars for the cause of adoptees. Love that question, so good.
Oh, this question is from Damon Davis from Who Am I Really? He has a fabulous podcast. I've been a guest on there and he's been a guest on mine.
Damon says: "Could you share how your mindset about adoption has changed from Episode 1 to now? Did you have any misconceptions that have been realigned? How has your mind changed on any adoption-related issue?"
Well, from the beginning of the podcast, I really started it when I was feeling lonely and I really wanted to connect with other adoptees who were going through the tribulations of reunion and reconnection and what that looked like. [00:26:00] I had no idea about transracially, transnationally adopted folks. I had no idea of the race issues in adoption. I had no idea about the depth of human trafficking and the money side. And I was just starting to learn about all the really gross things about adoption. I'd really started coming out of the fog but I definitely wasn't fully. So I have become much more vocal about family preservation. That's really changed. I have become much more outspoken about the ethics in adoption and can adoption even be ethical? Is that a possibility?
So I feel like I have become fully radicalized for adoptees being number one [00:27:00]. I have had so many people be like, oh, Haley, it would be so great if you could interview an adoptive parent and really connect with them and let’s build unity. Like all those kinds of things. I'm like: Listen, there are people doing that. I am here for adult adoptees, period. That is fully me. There are people who are wanting to do that and talk with all the constellation and whatever. My whole thing is supporting adult adoptees. I hope that we get well. I hope we get the mental health supports we need. I hope that we get adoptee friends who we can connect with who get it. I hope that we start adoptee support groups so we can reach out with the things that we've learned ourselves. That's my whole thing. [00:28:00] Also, I didn't realize I was going to go that direction. I’m just an adoptee advocate. That's how my mindset shifted, to fully have adoptees as number one. And I know that sounds silly because my show is called Adoptees On and I've only ever really interviewed adoptees with very few exceptions. But yeah, that's the radicalization of Haley over the last five years. That's funny when you think about it.
Okay, next question from Beverly: What were your childhood fantasies about your birth family?
I think I always had the, "Oh, they're probably famous." "Maybe I'm a princess." I think when I was young, much younger, I really felt that, maybe up to age 10-ish or something like that. So maybe the age as my kids are right now. I had those kinds of things, and then in teenage years, the [00:29:00] fantasy always was that they would come back and scoop me up and save me. I really remember feeling that a lot. So I don't think I had any specific people in mind. I love the interviews where people are like, Oh, I always thought this celebrity was my mother or whatever. I love hearing those. But I never had a specific person in mind.
Lisa asked: "Do you have an elevator pitch to use with non-adoptees to describe your experience as an adoptee?"
This is such a great question. I love it, Lisa. I think for me, personally, now what happens is I get asked what I do. So this happens a lot at school, waiting around in the parking lot for our kids to come, and moms will ask me, Oh, do you work outside the home? That kind of a thing. And so when I answer, "I'm a [00:30:00] podcaster," that's also super awkward. Just so you know, it's awkward to tell someone you're a podcaster, because what is that? So awkward. I'll be like, Yeah, I'm a podcaster, and then they'll be like, Oh cool. What's your podcast about? So this is my go-to answer. I say: “Well, I'm adopted and I speak to other adopted folks about what adoption has meant in their lives. Sometimes we talk about searching for their biological family or a union or the complexities of that, and it's a really complicated issue and there's more to it than what most people would think about adoption.” That's what I lead with in the parking lot. When it is a new friend and we're diving more into that, I often will say: "Adoption's really complex and there's actually a lot of loss and [00:31:00] pain and most people don't see that at the surface level. So that's something I really would love people to know." I don't know if that perfectly answers, but I tell you what, it opens the conversation. If you're willing to go there, it definitely opens the conversation because a lot of people are like, Oh, really? Tell me more. Because they're confused and a lot of people have never heard that perspective. So only if you're willing, only if you're feeling strong that day. I don't always recommend doing that if it's not a good day. But I'm getting more confident about answering it. And yet I still hesitate if I don't feel like getting into it that day.
Eliana asks: "How has doing this podcast affected your thoughts, feelings, and healing from your adoption experience?"
I appreciate that question so much. It's good for me to reflect on [00:32:00] that, and I think, painfully, it uncovers more and more unhealed things in my life over time that I need to address. So that's good and bad, right? It's great to be like, I'm good. Everything's fine now. I've worked through these things. And then I'll have a guest share something and I'll think, Oh, ooh, I guess I have another thing to talk to my therapist about. So it's really taught me more about myself and how much more, how much deeper I can go into places that are wounded and that I have pushed down for a long time. And I think, we had a whole lifetime of piling on the gratitude and fake personality [00:33:00] and trying to fit in and trying to make it look like everything was good and being perfectionist. I don't know. Am I describing you, too? This is fully me. We had years and years, like decades of that, and so when you think about unpacking all of those things, it's going to take a long time. So yeah, that's good and bad, right? I often apologize to new people who share that my show has helped them come out of the fog. I'm like, I'm so sorry. Wasn't it nice in there? But most people will respond to me like, Actually, no, I just want to live in the truth. And so for me, I do feel the same way. Even as painful as it can be, I do just want to live in the truth. In the truth.
Okay. I've done this question several times over, and I am not sure exactly how to word this. [00:34:00] So I had a couple folks reach out and ask about a situation that's been happening in the last couple weeks in adoption land, and I don't feel super comfortable making a public statement, although this is public, I get that. But I do want to say to you that I, too, am a sexual abuse survivor, and so I stand with survivors. So I see you. And I hope that you can trust and know when you hear me say that, so sorry for the pain that you and I have experienced, and I know that there's many adoptees who've experienced that, and I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. [00:35:00] And to see things publicly splashed around on that topic is harmful, abusive, horrible, I don't know what else I can say about that, but I stand with survivors. I'm sorry, I can't say more than that because it's just really painful, and I feel like I share so much, way too much at times, especially on Adoptees Off Script on Patreon because it feels safer, like not as many people are listening. Once you say something like that out loud you just can't take it back, reel it back. So it's felt very scary to say anything about it, but I wanted to say something because I don't want you to think I'm ignoring it. I see you, and I too deeply empathize.
Oh, take a deep breath with [00:36:00] me. Let's move on to a little bit later. I had Dale ask on Twitter: "What are your plans for the coming season of Adoptees On?"
Thank you so much, Dale. I am going to go in a few different directions this fall. I have a Patreon supporter who, amazingly, sends me academic articles every single month on adoption-related topics, so I have a huge stack of articles from various journals that I've been reading through and finding amazing researchers and fabulous academic authors that are talking about adoption topics that are important to us. So I'll be reaching out to some of those folks, and I hope to be able to share some more academics with you. I also am probably going to revisit estrangement, just a [00:37:00] brief couple of episodes on that. I had a few more people reach out to share their story on that topic, and it seemed to really hit a nerve. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people navigating that right now, so we probably will touch on those again. And then, this feels scary to say out loud. What could be scarier than what I just shared with you all? But I really have wanted to for a while do a series on spirituality, and I know even saying that, you're like, Oh, gross, I don't wanna hear about religion, but I don't ever mean it as proselytizing kind of a thing. I think that adoption and spirituality can be really intertwined, and I've seen some really fascinating things happening with that. So I've seen, I feel like maybe this is most common, I don't know if I'm [00:38:00] putting too much on just who I follow, but a lot of adoptees that were adopted by religious families in the name of religion–so adoption out of some social justice kind of spirit, especially in Christianity–a lot of adoptees who have been adopted into that sort of family have completely walked away from the Christian faith because that pain is so interlinked. So I find that really interesting. And then I've seen adoptees who search for their biological roots and find out that their original families had a completely different religion than the one they were raised in, and they will sometimes convert to their original family's religion, which is also so fascinating. So I think there's a big theme wrapped up in there, and [00:39:00] I really want to explore it. How do you talk about that? It's such a fine line, right? How do you talk about that and still make sure you, as a listener, feel included and not necessarily triggered or that you should definitely be what I am because it's so good. It's not for that purpose. So I know even saying it, I'm like, oh, I hope you trust me with that topic. I think there's a lot for us to unravel there together.
So I'm looking at that and then, of course, there's just so many adoptees bringing amazing, creative, just beautiful, powerful works into this world: books and films and just fabulous things. I'm so impressed by what the community has been making and so, of course, I'll be bringing [00:40:00] you some of those folks, too. If there are adoptees that you would love to hear on Adoptees On, please comment on one of the show posts or send me an email because I don't know everyone. I know this small portion of folks in the adoptee community, so don't be sure that I know them or have them on my interview wishlist or whatever. Don't assume that every day I'm like, Oh, I didn't know this person was on here, and I find people every day. So if there's someone who you really want me to interview, make sure you let me know. I'm always looking for new, interesting stories.
And I mentioned in my little secret audio drop–if you were subscribed to this podcast, it would have dropped in your feed last week, but it should be gone now if all my technology worked– that I did open up applications to be on the podcast. If you go to adopteeson.com/application, you can [00:41:00] see how to apply with the caveat that I can't take everyone. Unfortunately, because I get hundreds of submissions and I only do forty episodes a year-ish, so the math just doesn't add up, and one of the most painful things is not being able to interview everyone I'd like to. It's a big sigh just thinking about that. But don't let that stop you from applying. I would love to hear your little audio recording and see your form, and please do apply if it's something that you want to talk about, especially if it's estrangement or spirituality related, or if you have a new project that you really want the adoptees to know about. I'd love to hear from you. If you are an adoptee therapist and serving adoptees and you have a topic or you have some cool thing we should know about, please apply. Don't be scared. I'm not scary, I swear. [00:42:00] I cry a lot, so if that's scary, then yes, I am.
But the last thing I wanted to tell you about is some of the new artwork you're going to be seeing as new episodes are coming out. So last year I commissioned a fellow adoptee, Jessica Sun Lee, to paint a watercolor for me of–how do I describe this? It is a leaf turning into a tear. And I will post it with this episode. In my original logo for Adoptees On, there is a tree in the middle, and it's the T of adoptees, and it's green. You'll notice there's one blue leaf at the top that is disconnected. And I always wanted that leaf to look like [00:43:00] a tear to represent the adoptees separated from their original family, separated from the connection to the tree and the roots of our legacy. And, Adoptees On is about exploring that pain so that we can get through it and either reconnect in a healthy way or rebuild our own identity in different ways. Really, I don't think I've ever talked about this on the show before. About that meaning behind my logo. It was so important to me, and the friend I asked to design the logo and everything, I said, "Listen, it has to be separate. It cannot be touching. It has to be blue." I was very specific about all that, and I always wanted to do something with it. So I asked Jessica if she would do a watercolor to represent that, and she used the green and the blue [00:44:00] to connect in. And I like looking at it sort of both ways. The leaf, falling away from the tree, means sorrow, so it goes into the tear shape at the bottom. And also that from our tear, from our grief, can also go back into growth and healing into the leaf. So for me, it goes back and forth. How am I doing explaining this in an audio medium? Is it okay? Because I'm like: "It's so pretty. The colors are so beautiful." This beautiful green and blue and teal, and it all just goes together, and I love that it's watercolor because I always felt when you see the tear drop on a page and it changes the colors underneath. Oh, there were so many symbolic things in there. I'm sure if it was a Book Club, some of my readers would be able to tell me even more [00:45:00], the depths of the meaning behind that. But, if you see the new artwork and it has those dark blues and greens and aqua and those kinds of colors, that's where it comes from, the leaf/tear that Jessica painted for us.
The last new thing I wanted to tell you about is you will be hearing from some of my Patreon supporters and some of the folks who've been on the show before telling you about what Adoptees On means to them. So that'll be a little bit of a new change this fall. And I just really want to find ways to encourage you to join our Patreon. So if you go to adopteeson.com/partner, you can find all the extras that come along with being a Patreon supporter. And I always want to make sure this main feed show is free for anyone to access. I'm never going to put it behind a paywall. It is [00:46:00] a gift to the community from me and my patrons. They are saying with their money that they want this podcast to be out and accessible in the world and supporting adoptees the best a podcast could, knowing that therapy and those things are not accessible for everyone. The podcast isn't therapy, but hopefully it will lead people towards working on our stuff, me included. Anyway, I'm thankful to patrons. Without your support, I can't keep making the show. I can't grow it. I can't do those things. But with your support, I can. I can hire other adoptees to do work on the show, and I have been able to do that, like commissioning Jessica to do this teardrop leaf artwork.
And there's going to be a few new articles on adopteeson.com soon. Maybe they're already up when you're listening to this. Hopefully. If I got my work done this week, they will be. But a fellow adoptee was able to [00:47:00] write those for us, and I was able to pay him for his work, because I always want to pay people for their work. It's so important to me, and to be able to reinvest it in the community is top. Love it. Love it that I'm able to do that. So, please, I'd love to have you as a Patreon supporter. There's Book Club. We've been doing Adoptees Off Script Parties with Pam Cordano, one of the therapists who has been on the podcast, and that was so fun. We just did our first one. The next one's coming up in November. Love to have you included in that. And then you get a whole other podcast every single week, which is bananas that I do that, but Adoptees Off Script, where most of the time my co-host is Carrie Cahill Mulligan, and we talk about what's going on in our lives. We talk about adoptee news. We have the Book Club replays there, and sometimes I'll have a special other guest and we just talk about adoptee stuff all the time. [00:48:00] And then we always wrap up with a fun thing. So instead of doing a recommended resource, we talk about what we're loving right now. And you get to hear about my bad taste and fun recipes and what podcasts I'm listening to and all those things. So it's a thank you gift for patrons and it's so cute. There's so many of you guys that listen. I just bless you for listening to us. It releases Monday mornings. So often folks will be like, Oh, I have my Monday morning coffee with you and Carrie. And I love being a part of your life in that way, and so I love being a part of your Fridays like that. I have so many fun people to introduce you to this fall and beyond. I hope you can hear I'm excited, because I am.
I'm so glad I get to do this for you. I'm honored that you invite me in and that I can be in your earbuds or through your speakers, however you're listening. Thank you so much for [00:49:00] listening. Let's talk again next Friday.
