An interview with John, an adoptee who accidentally discovered he was adopted at age 10. We unpack the strain this placed on his relationship with his adoptive parents and the trust issues this has caused him throughout his life. John also shares how his birthmother found him, and the warm reception he’s received from his extended family.

Show Notes

Full episode transcript here.

Topics We Discussed

Pregnancy in 1960s, birthmother was placed in a home for unwed mothers by her parents
His birthmother requested that the agency give her details to John when he turned 18 (they did not honour this)
John doesn’t know where he was for the first nine months of his life
Finding out accidentally that he was adopted, around age 10; adoptive mother lying to him at age 7 that he was not adopted when he asked
Fantasizing about who his birthparents might be
Loss of all trust with his adoptive parents, felt he couldn’t believe anything they told him
Adoptive father became an alcoholic and left the family
Before he passed away, John’s adoptive father shared some extremely hurtful things with John about his adoption and his adoptive mother
Relationships with his adoptive mother continues to fragment and be distant
Searching for his birthmother,
Birthmother finding John via Prodigy (old internet service provider)
Receiving letters of welcome from his maternal extended family
Building a relationship with his birthmother
Navigating reunion (she's got secondary infertility); adding John on to her life insurance was really hard for him to accept
Trust issues, insecurities, difficulty finding a therapist
Possibly searching with his adoptive sister for her bio family
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