70 Stephani - When Two Adoptees Marry
/Transcript
Full shownotes: https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/70
Haley Radke: [00:00:00] This show is listener supported.
You are listening to Adoptees On. The podcast where adoptees discuss the adoption experience. This is season four, episode nine, Stephani. I'm your host, Haley Radke. Today we talk about what happens when two adopted people get married to each other. Stephani is candid with us about her relationship, some of what triggers her and her husband and how that can escalate quickly. She also shares about how IFS, that's Internal Family Systems Therapy, has been a game changer for their relationship. If you're interested in learning more about IFS, the episode just prior to this is all about that therapy model and why it's so effective for adoptees in particular. Stephani and I wrap up with some recommended resources, and as always, links to everything we'll be talking about today are on the website, adopteeson.com. Let's listen [00:01:00] in.
I'm so pleased to welcome to Adoptees On Stephani Harris. Welcome, Stephani.
Stephani: It's a pleasure being here. Thank you.
Haley Radke: I'm really excited to talk with you today and get to hear more of your story. And we're, I especially asked you here because you are adopted yourself and you're also married to an adoptee, so we are going to focus in on that relationship.
But why don't we start out, would you share your story with us?
Stephani: Sure, I will. I was adopted as a newborn, straight from the hospital in Kentucky, near Knox, Kentucky. My adoptive parents was acquainted with my birth mother. They didn't know one another very well, but they knew of one another and only thing they knew was she was going to put me in the Catholic charities maybe. The [00:02:00] orphanage services relinquished me to them. And then it was like a last minute decision that they had found out about me and they actually just came to the hospital, picked me up, and took me home. And my my dad always has a lot of humor with saying that it only costs $75 for the attorney. It was a private adoption that, and she also lived in the same small town where I was adopted.
So I was raised where my birth mother and seven of her children, which would've been my half siblings, lived within seven to 10 miles apart. [00:03:00] That I never knew until I was approximately nine or ten years old that I was adopted. I had no idea. I believe it was meant to be an open adoption, but it was kind of a secret open adoption.
Haley Radke: Did your birth mother parent those other siblings?
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: So you have a bunch of older siblings?
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: Okay.
Stephani: Seven.
Haley Radke: Wow.
Stephani: I was the youngest one and I, it was very complicated, but it is part of adoption, which is complications. A lot of complications, so.
Haley Radke: So you found out you were adopted when you were nine or ten, and did you find out your connection to her in your town in these siblings?
Stephani: Yes. It was a quite traumatic event actually. I was raised around my cousins, but I had no idea they were my cousins. I thought they were just my best friends and they invited [00:04:00] me to their family reunion. And when I got there, it was actually my birth mother's home. And it was my siblings, half siblings and my cousins. And I recall sitting at the picnic table talking about my mom and dad and I remember someone saying that's not your mom, and you don't even have a dad. These are actually your siblings, your cousins, and here's your birth mother. So it was very difficult. I believe I was in shock and I did not want to be there. I knew that. I was very scared and confused, of course.
Haley Radke: Oh my goodness. So what happened next? Did you talk to your parents about what happened?
Stephani: Yes. [00:05:00]
Haley Radke: Did you ask them like what is going on here?
Stephani: Yeah, so I remember going home and telling them what happened. I think they already knew what happened before I even, I believe the news hit before I even arrived home what happened. So when I got home, all I remember is my mother crying, very upset, and my father upset, and I was shut down. They didn't blame me, but I felt as though I did something wrong. So there was a seed planted that this is a secret that I'm adopted. It's a secret that I must be special because that's all they told me was they said you know we've always told you you were adopted because we told [00:06:00] you you were special. So that was their way of saying that I was adopted by telling me that I was special which was, is very very different. Of course, I was born in 1969, so this was in the mid seventies. They didn't have resources, of course, to understand adoption, nor did they ever have any type of counseling on, for an adopted child. Or how to tell me. So I guess they felt as though I would eventually find out and they would take care of it. But I shut down at that moment in time and I felt as though I didn't have a voice. It wasn't intentional, but that is the way it happened. No one intended to hurt me. They just wanted, they felt as though I needed to know the truth. But there was pain involved, of [00:07:00] course.
Haley Radke: Okay. So the person that disclosed to you that you were adopted said “You don't have a father.”
Stephani: Correct, yes.
Haley Radke: They didn't know who your birth father was. How did you come to discover that information?
Stephani: I met my birth mother. I took her out to eat. I didn't meet her then of course, we had a relationship. I tried to get closer with her and my siblings and I had a very difficult time connecting with her and my half siblings. All of them, and I wasn't sure why. I just felt as though I didn't look like them. I didn't connect with them. It wasn't nothing negative that I felt about them. It's just I felt as though I didn't belong with them. So that was very difficult I'm sure for them. They felt rejected by me, [00:08:00] and so they don't really think of me highly to this day, I believe, most of them don't.
So when I took my birth mother out for dinner, you know I had asked her who my birth father was, his identity, and her reaction was well the reason I relinquished you. She didn't say relinquished. But the reason why I basically gave you up for adoption is because I found out that your father is not a white man. So I was very confused, of course, again, and shocked. Part of me wasn't super shocked, but most of myself was, you know I was shocked again. She had his name, she gave me his name, and [00:09:00] the search continued on and I was 30 years old.
Haley Radke: So what did you do next?
Stephani: I contacted him. There was a lot of rejection naturally. So I took it upon myself to get a ticket from Kentucky to Reno, Nevada. And I showed up on his doorstep and which I must say I don't recommend. I have another sister, she's seven years older than me, and she went with me for support. So we just went to Lake Tahoe and we enjoyed Lake Tahoe and some outside concerts in Reno.
Haley Radke: Have you ever been in touch with him then, like past that? Like in person?
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: Okay.
Stephani: Yes, that's correct. Yes. I have. Once I went home, I wrote him a [00:10:00] letter instead of make another trip to Reno, Nevada or phone calls. I and then he contacted me and then in within a few months I was headed back to Reno and I met him for the first time and I went by myself and it was an amazing reunion for us. It was very private, but he still kept me, of course, at a distance. And he was able to share with me the history of his history and our ancestors. So it it was and I actually felt connected to him. I felt very close to him. Not emotionally, but you know looking in the mirror for many years, you're not knowing who you look like or have a connection with. I was able to look at him and I see that connection very well. And that went [00:11:00] on for several years. We visit him in Reno three or four times total.
Haley Radke: Why don't we shift and why, how can, do you wanna tell us, how did you meet your husband?
Stephani: I came out of a marriage of 15 years, and I was single for, I want to say around four years. So I met my husband at a bar and he was actually a designated driver 'cause I didn't want anyone that drank, did drugs or anything like that. I wanted a nice clean man, and he was very handsome. We connected immediately and then we went out on a date the following day and he told me he was adopted and it was like, it was an instant connection. And then we like got married like seven weeks later.
Haley Radke: Whoa.
Stephani: In which I don't recommend as well.
Haley Radke: Okay.[00:12:00] Wow. I did not know this was a whirlwind. Okay, so you share that you're adopted, you fall in love, you are…
Stephani: In lust.
Haley Radke: Married seven weeks later. Oh, okay. Thank you for correcting me.
Stephani: Fall in lust. Yes.
Haley Radke: Okay. So married seven weeks later. And how long have you guys been married?
Stephani: We will be married 12 years, November of this year.
Haley Radke: So A, you say, I don't recommend seven weeks. What does that mean? Did you guys have some bumpy spots?
Stephani: Well we now love each other.
Haley Radke: Okay. Okay. So that's good.
Stephani: Yes. We now love each other. I believe in the beginning we thought we loved each other, but I believe what we loved was the similarities in our life as being adoptees. Of knowing the feelings of abandonment, [00:13:00] rejection issues, being connected, understanding the loss and trauma of the adoption.
Haley Radke: And so your husband, had he searched, did he know his first parents? Had you guys followed a similar path in that respect as well?
Stephani: No, not at all. He had no desire to know in his. He was a foster child and then he was adopted by his foster parents and he had absolutely no desire to know his biological families. Until I pressured him to find out and there was a mistake on my part. I felt as though I was basically wanting him to feel the type of reunion I had. I wanted him to feel the [00:14:00] same way, but it was too early and he was not ready. Which caused quite a bit of pressure with him, of course. because he wasn't ready to find out.
Haley Radke: With those things that you have in common, the trauma and the rejection issues and I mean to me that looks like a storm is coming. When do you realize like these are the things that brought us together, but this is gonna wreck us?
Stephani: Yes, because I was projecting. Of all of the therapy that I have been through, of years of therapy, of healing, I was projecting that upon him as though he should feel the same way. And he was not feeling that way. He was not ready. So he did find his, his first mother and it went really well. That was just like, I believe four years ago. It went really well in the [00:15:00] beginning, and there's also some similarities with his adoption, it's with mine also that's very very bizarre. When he found his birth mother, he also found out that he was mixed biracial. He had no clue, and he has eight other half siblings.
Haley Radke: Whoa.
Stephani: Yes. So it was very very bizarre and no one knew about him. He was very well kept hidden. And he is three years older than I am, so he was born in ‘66.
Haley Radke: So he didn't know he was biracial and…
Stephani: No.
Haley Radke: You look…
Stephani: His mother is biracial.
Haley Radke: Okay. Okay.
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: And so you look, sorry if this is gonna be rude, but you present more white than biracial, right? You can pass for…
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: And then I've seen photos of your husband and he's a lot darker skinned, so that's why it was kind of a…
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: I'm [00:16:00] assuming that's why it was more of a surprise for him.
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: Okay.
Stephani: Very much. Very much so yes.
Haley Radke: And so when you guys are processing this because you found out you're biracial and he finds out his like, what are some of the things that you guys are talking about or thinking about when this is happening?
Stephani: It was a whirlwind then. Because I remember, we remember like going to the courthouse, picking up his adoption records that were released by the judge and we were reading the paperwork and we were like, this is the wrong person because there's no way my husband is biracial. According to the, this must be his brother that was also adopted. This must be the, they have. This has been some confusion. There's no way that this is my husband's adoption records.
So once I [00:17:00] had the name of his first mother, I went researching and I found her within several hours. And I was able to be in contact with her, I believe within a week or so. And then within two weeks he went to visit her and things went well for six to eight months. And then after that there's, he had, he chose to no longer be in contact.
Haley Radke: Okay. So he has this, you know, brief reunion and I mean this is all really big stuff just for one person going through, but you intimately know how this affects an adoptee's psyche. And what is this doing with your relationship? Is it bringing you closer together and more understanding, or is it pushing you apart?
Stephani: Well first of all, I believe as an adoptee and going through therapy, you want to search for the truth and you [00:18:00] want to live in truth and you don't want any type of falseness, lies in your relationships. Whether it's work, friends and of course our marriage.
So we were living in the truth and the truth hurts. So it's, there was a lot of pain for him, in his discovery and I had a hard time understanding it because it was a, he came from a different, there was still some different feelings. It was a different type of trauma and loss. I mean it was just, it was a trauma and loss, but it felt different to him. His reunion felt he had no connection at all, like he felt completely disconnected with them, and he, as though he didn't belong and it made him angry. And there was some false [00:19:00] information given to him, and he didn't want to deal with any type of lies, so he just shut them out. And there's a lot of anger with that.
It's been constant work with us in a relationship to answer your question. We bounce off of one another with our triggers. For an example, if he texts me and I'm at work and I'm really busy, if he doesn't hear back from me, he's concerned that something's wrong. Rejection, abandonment, or something bad happened to me, and the same with me as well. That's a, that's one example. And also we just kind of like bounce off of one of those triggers. With studying IFS therapy, which…
Haley Radke: That's Internal Family Systems.
Stephani: Yes, correct. We have done that for years. That [00:20:00] has really helped in the, it's an excellent adoption therapy and of course individual for your individual therapy as well and for the marriages. So doing that, you go in and you try to understand all of the parts that are inside of us. Our child part, our teen, our critical part, our caretaker, our minimizer. We have all these parts working to protect our child that was lost. That is traumatized from the, of loss, rejection, abandonment issues. So all those parts come out, of course, in any relationship. I believe it's magnified in our relationship because we were being triggered with each other's rejections, abandonment issues, not listening, being heard. You know like, I like to have a voice and I like to be [00:21:00] heard. So I have a hard time like shutting up and getting my point across. I like to repeat to get my point across. So for him, that triggers him because coming from an abusive family that he came from, he was triggered by someone repeating the same thing over and over again. So it doesn't…kind of like fire and ice in a way. So we are working on trying to identify our parts and our triggers and being still to, and listening to our parts. Slowing down. And we're also allowing one another to say hey you know, there you go again. You're like repeating yourself over and over again to get your point across. And I know you wanna be heard, but [00:22:00] it's really like making me want to run and shut down.
Haley Radke: So you're learning just how to say those things out loud to the other person to be understood. And did you, did you learn those techniques in doing IFS together?
Stephani: Yes. Correct. Yes. Doing IFS together. Yes.
Haley Radke:I will have aired an episode, a healing series episode about Internal Family Systems before this show goes up. So I'll link to that in the show notes. But the therapist did a really good job of explaining a little bit more in depth about that. But I think it's so interesting that you are doing that work, on yourself, but also together. I mean that's amazing. So you're, you know sometimes I feel like a lot of us who are in therapy and we're sort of working on ourselves and we're hopefully moving forward, we often are leaving a partner behind that is stuck and maybe not working on their stuff. And so [00:23:00] the fact that you're both doing this together, I mean that's really incredible and it's a good example for us, I really believe.
Stephani: Yes, it is. Yes, it's, it is a work in progress. It really, it's a daily work in progress. We're gonna make it, but there's times where we are like, whoa. It's like it's tough being married to an, marriage is tough, period. And then when you have two adoptees that have maximum rejection and abandonment issues and neither one was hurt as a child, it is very difficult because you're constantly bouncing off of one another's emotions and then also slowing down learning how to react is really important.
Haley Radke: Can you give us an [00:24:00] example of maybe a discussion that you guys have had that really only two adopted people would have that were married to each other? You know because I, the reason I'm asking is because, you know I'm, my partner is not adopted. He understands a lot more about adoptee issues because of what I do. But I still feel like I'm always the one trying to explain things. Well are there things that you guys sort of cycle back to? You know you mentioned that you were adopted as an infant straight out of the hospital.
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: And then your husband was in foster care for a period of time and then was adopted by his foster family. But you know we've talked before about how even a period of time in care just exacerbates our trauma. Are there things that you've discussed about that? I mean I know we're comparing apples and oranges, but still I think that's, you know something to…that might have come up for [00:25:00] you.
Stephani: I could tell one thing that would be for both of us being in reunion and the reactions to our adopted families finding out that we have been in reunion have been very similar. And then our first families, their reactions as well have been very similar. So we both understand like this is probably gonna happen. I'm letting him know, like you know your adoptive families are gonna be, they're gonna have a very hard time understanding why you were even wanting to find your identity. Who you may look like. How you walk a certain way, your, you know examples like that. Just the very simple things of where do we get our eye color from? How, why is our butt so big? You know things like that. We can understand that together [00:26:00] and letting him know that there's gonna be some rejection from the adopted side of our families, in the biological sides of our families. They're going to go through certain emotions of jealousy and not understanding why, why all of a sudden you just, you're here and what do you want? Or what can I get from you? We do definitely understand. We both have experienced that in our relationships and we both get it, together. We know, and we also know if I haven't heard from like say a sibling in a while, and all of a sudden I hear from him, I'm so excited and like yes, I, he said hello to me.
Haley Radke: Oh, that's so good.
Stephani: So he would understand. He understands how much I needed that [00:27:00] validation from a sibling. Or how much I need a validation of my adopted sister that's seven years older than me that, you know we grew up in the same home. She's not adopted. I was the only one adopted, but the validation of her understanding and appreciating how I feel of wanting to even search for my identity. I mean we both understand the seriousness of it, and we're also, we both understand the complexity of it all. And what it, can happen. And the stages as well is that we go through. We go through the honeymoon stage and we go through the confusion stage and then we'll go through backing off for a while. Not all families do this, I believe, but for, [00:28:00] you know I did and he has as well so.
Haley Radke: Can you remember any particular moments in your IFS therapy where either one of you sort of discovered something? And that really like unlocked something for you.
The reason why I'm asking this, so when the IFS therapist explained these things to me and I, like I said, I'll link to that episode, she talked about the session where mostly she's just there to guide the client as they are processing things internally and verbally, I'm assuming, so that you guys both know what's going on. So, is there, is there any moments that you can remember where you or your husband had an insight and you both were just like, whoa this is, this is going to change things for us?
Stephani: Yes. I believe there was a session where [00:29:00] he was very angry. Why I wasn't understanding him not wanting to no longer contact his birth mother. Okay. There was a session, it was very intense and I wasn't listening to him. So his part felt as though I was, explain this. So to protect his child, he had a part come up that was, it's called a teen part. And that teen reacts. Yeah, his teen is an (expletive) big time and like he's very sharp, tongue smart and get loud and then it would like trigger me into being scared as my child. It would scare me as though I was in danger. Like something bad is going to happen. That was like a, it's a very [00:30:00] huge eye-opening experience for both of us because I was not validating how he felt. So he had a part that came up that was his teen and his teen part was scaring my child part. That was scared of something bad is going to happen.
Haley Radke: And so in that moment when you guys finally figured this out, okay, this is kind of a bad loop, we're in, how, how are you able to get out of that then?
Stephani: We identify the part that is triggering us and we acknowledge that part. Like even to this day, like we, we will speak in parts. He will say look you know, what you're saying is, it's like my teen part is having a reaction to what you're saying and I'm like, okay, I appreciate you telling me that. Or he's like my critical part is [00:31:00] really high today, so it's, I am having a hard time with my critical part, so I'm really angry with myself today. You know, you know he's saying I'm really angry with myself today because my critical part is really wide open, so I just wanna let you know.
So that helps me understand where he is coming from, that moment in time where he, what he's feeling.
Haley Radke: And then you can be like, okay, today's not a good day to ask about when are you gonna do this? Or you know you can be more sensitive to that.
Stephani: Yes. Because if his critical part is already on high alert if he feels as though he is criticizing himself for not getting the garage clean for an example, or not getting a door up for an example, [00:32:00] if he's already hard on himself in that area and if I didn't know about it, I would say, hey you know, when are we gonna get those doors put up? When are those gonna be installed? So he would then feel even worse or he'll react. And another part of him will react to protect himself from being hurt. But if I'm already aware of how he feels then I can have empathy and compassion, and I'm curious as well of why he feels that way. And many times we will go in and say, would you like to talk about that part? What is your part? Why are you feeling, why is your critical part out today? And if he doesn't feel like talking, then I respect his space. And [00:33:00] I will shut down. And then many times that has happened and I'm triggered and I feel as though he doesn't appreciate or validate my feelings. So that's where being adopted, you can you just bounce off of each other's parts and until you're in like your adult self. Which is very crucial. It's where we want to be, but we also have to appreciate and understand that those parts are not our enemies. That they were there to protect our child that was traumatized, hurt, abandoned in the womb even, I believe.
Haley Radke: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. That's very insightful. And I mean I just think we have so many of these situations, like on a daily basis, and just the fact that you guys [00:34:00] are having these discussions and you're working away at it every day. And that's great. And I know you said we're a work in progress, but you know a lot of people just stay stuck. And so it's pretty great that you are…you're both working at your relationship together and I mean, I'm always…I don't know how to say this exactly, but I'm really thankful that Nick is my husband. He's so like stable and, because I just feel like a basket case most of the time. And so I don't know how I could take care of someone else that is like me. So it just must take a lot more of your emotional energy to be cognizant, so much more cognizant of the other person.
Stephani: Yes, it is. It's very emotionally draining. It could be a lot of time consuming with trying to even, as though we're on high alert with one another. I think that may be a good term is…we are both on high alert. We [00:35:00] want to make sure that we don't step on each other's toes, hurt each other's feelings.
Haley Radke: Do you have any advice for other adoptees who are married to adoptees before we do our recommended resources?
Stephani: I would say to stop and just listen to one another. And know that yes, trauma is trauma no matter what type of trauma and loss, it's pain. But we all process it differently in different seasons of our lives. So what I may have experienced and overcome in certain areas, it may take longer for the other person to process and overcome in that area of their loss and pain and finding their true identity.
Haley Radke: Thank you. So let's do [00:36:00] our recommended resources. And the thing I want to recommend today is Adoptees Connect. So our mutual friend, Pamela Karanova has founded Adoptees Connect to be, well she started out just wanting a peer led adoptee centric support group. And that's amazing. There's so many groups that are for the whole constellation and as you were saying, Stephani, just having how you and your husband sort of trigger each other. I don't know if you've been in a support group situation with an adoptive parent before, but I don't do so well in that space. So Pamela wanted to create a space, safe space for just adoptees to do peer support. And so she started the website, adopteesconnect.com and other support groups, adoptee, peer support groups across the US are popping up. And there's her first location, [00:37:00] Lexington, Kentucky, which you have been, right?
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: Yes. Even though it's a long drive for you, but…
Stephani: No.
Haley Radke: No, not a long drive? How long?
Stephani: No, not at all. I can arrive there within 60 minutes.
Haley Radke: At an hour. Yeah.
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: Okay.
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: Well you know, I would say that's a long drive. But anyway, so just 60 minutes and you can be with your fellow adoptees. That's awesome. And then I started a support group as well in my city, and so we are joining up with Adoptees Connect as well. So that's kind of fun and the network is growing and all it takes is one person in one place to get adoptees together and get connected. And Pamela has written out some great group guidelines and she's working on some like different resources, manuals, those kind of things for the leaders. So even if you haven't done something like this before, you can do it. And I [00:38:00] would encourage you to go to adopteesconnect.com to read a little bit more about what Pamela has started there. And if you are craving adoptee community and you're wanting to get connected with other adult adoptees in your area, I mean maybe you're the one to start it. So I also did that healing series episode about how to start a support group with Jeanette Yoffe and she gave some great advice in that as well. And so those two resources combined I think are pretty great. So I love Pamela. I know you do too.
Stephani: Yes. She's gonna be my roomie for Indianapolis Adoptee convention.
Haley Radke: I had…she was my roomie last year. She's trading up.
Stephani: We will miss you.
Haley Radke: Yes, I'm not able to come. By the time this airs it will already have happened, but yeah big event. Okay, Stephani, what did you want to recommend to us today?
Stephani: I was going [00:39:00] to recommend…I was part of being a contributor for the Adoptee Survival Guide book. It's 30 of, adoptees sharing their stories, their experiences through adoption. And you can find us on the Facebook, the Adoptee Survival Guide. The editor is Lynn Grubb.
Haley Radke:I love the name of it. I mean the name of that book is just perfect. Don't, that's exactly what we need, right, a survival guide.
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: Yes. How do you navigate this?
Stephani: Yes, it is. It is excellent.
Haley Radke: So you wrote a chapter in that book then?
Stephani: Yes, I did.
Haley Radke: And what did you share about, in your chapter?
Stephani: I shared about being adopted as a newborn and then the shock of finding out about my adoption and then the shock of finding out about my racial identity. And then my husband being adopted as well.
Haley Radke: Okay. So you unpack a lot of what we talked about today. You unpack that in that book. That's [00:40:00] great. And is there any, anything else in that book that you just want to highlight or point to?
Stephani:It's great resources for, with the DNA. All the mini matches that are out there. There's very, there's some authors in there that have specialized in the genealogy and the DNA matching that some resources you can find as well.
Haley Radke: Oh, that's great. So if you're searching and you're looking for some tips on that.
Stephani: Yes.
Haley Radke: That's a good resource for that. I actually met Lynn last year when I was at the Indiana Adoptee Network conference and she was presenting and that's awesome that she's put this together and that you're part of it. That's great.
Stephani: Yes. Thank you. You can also go online, I believe they have a website. We have, I believe, the adopteesurvivalguide.com as well. It's Facebook.
Haley Radke: Yes, I see. Theadopteesurvival [00:41:00] guide.com and then there's also the Facebook page. Thank you. We'll definitely check that out. And where can we connect with you online Stephani?
Stephani: You can connect with me online with Facebook at Stephani Harris. I believe it is S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I-H-A-R-R-I-S. There's no E on Stephani.
Haley Radke: I have Stephani, S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I.Harris on the facebook.com/that.
Stephani:That's correct.
Haley Radke: Great. I will link to that in the show notes. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and also sharing about how therapy is really helping you and your husband build your relationship. That was really an important thing for us to hear.
If Stephani piqued your interest in IFS therapy or if just thinking about intimate partnerships as an adopted person, how [00:42:00] tricky and vulnerable it makes you feel and like scared or if you're struggling in your marriage, any of those things. Next week's episode is gonna be so helpful. Marta is back. She's the IFS therapist we talked to last week, and we're gonna dive into this very topic. So make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss it. It's a really helpful episode. Other ways you can stay connected. There's the Adoptees On newsletter, adopteeson.com/newsletter. We are on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. All of our social media links are on the website, Adopteeson.com. And I just want to say a gigantic thank you to each of you who share the show with your friends who tag us on Instagram or Twitter or you actually with word of mouth, tell your friends about it. I know some of you have been talking about it in your support groups.
It has been a good discussion starter for you with your partners. Some of you have talked about downloading the show [00:43:00] when you're going on road trips, which is so fun. I get to go on a road trip with you. I love that. So thank you. Thank you for sharing the show, and I also wanna just extend a giant thank you to those of you who are supporting the show financially through Patreon or one time gifts. You're making it possible for this show to continue. If you're interested in partnering with me, if you're interested in joining the Secret Adoptees only Facebook group or accessing the unedited versions of the show. I would love to have you come and partner with me. Adopteeson.com/partner has the details for monthly support, and I just thank you.
Thank you so much. I literally wouldn't be able to do the show without you. Thank you so much for listening. Let's talk again next Friday.
