155 Celebrating 500K
/Transcript
Full shownotes: https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/155
Haley Radke: [00:00:00] This show is listener supported. You can join us and help our show grow to support more adoptees by going to adopteeson.com/partner.
You are listening to Adoptees On, the podcast where adoptees discuss the adoption experience. This is Episode 155. I'm your host, Haley Radke. Welcome friends. I'm so glad you're here with me today. Today's show is a little different because I asked one of my dearest friends to come and celebrate a milestone moment with us. Let's listen in.
I'm so pleased to welcome to Adoptees On, welcome back to Adoptees On, Reshma McClintock. Welcome, Reshma.
Reshma McClintock: Hi, Haley. Thanks for having me again.
Haley Radke: I'm so excited 'cause you're here to celebrate with me.
Reshma McClintock: I am here to celebrate with you. This is gonna be a party. We are going [00:01:00] to get down, virtually.
Haley Radke: Virtually. Okay.
Reshma McClintock: It's a thing now.
Haley Radke: Okay. So we are celebrating a little late, but that's okay. Better late than never. The Adoptees On podcast has reached half a million downloads. Which is crazy.
Reshma McClintock: Okay, let's do that thing where we pause for just a minute and take in half a million downloads, 500,000 downloads.
Haley Radke: Okay. So is it okay if I tell an embarrassing story about you?
Reshma McClintock: Please. I mean, why else have I come here?
Haley Radke: No. Okay, so you guys, Resh is like one of my best friends and I told her this milestone was coming and I was really excited and so she secretly sent me a gift and it literally happened to arrive on the day that I hit 500,000 downloads, which was bananas. And I was sitting at our breakfast table [00:02:00] when it happened. I was playing Uno with Isaiah right before we went to school, and I was just refreshing my phone so I could get the screenshot. Anyway, I sent the screenshot to Resh, and waited, later in the day, got a delivery at the door and I was like, oh my goodness, what's happening?
And she sent me balloons. But what came in the box was 50, five-zero, K
Reshma McClintock: One 5, one 0, and one K.
Haley Radke: And so it was so sweet and I blew them up, but I effed up the K, these are like the foil balloons that you see. You'll see it in the picture; I'm going to use it as my show art. So just look at the cover art in your podcast app, wherever you're listening. And you'll see the picture of me with these balloons. But I messed up the K 'cause you put these little straws in and you blow in and I just busted right through. So anyway, I went to Party City and I got the [00:03:00] X, the missing zero and the K.
And I wasn't gonna tell her 'cause I was embarrassed, I don't know. I didn't wanna embarrass you.
Reshma McClintock: You were embarrassed for me.
Haley Radke: I was embarrassed for you.
Reshma McClintock: Because you thought that I was an idiot. It's okay. It's fair.
Haley Radke: No. Okay. So then when I sent her the picture, it wasn't all blue. There was some silver.
Reshma McClintock: I was so proud of myself. Okay. Because I found the “500 K” in blue and I was like, it's one of her colors. This is amazing. It's exactly the color.
Haley Radke: Yep.
Reshma McClintock: And I've never seen them in blue before. I was planning on getting gold and then I found the blue. I was so happy. Now let me just tell you something really quick. I checked six to seven “d” times to make sure that I picked two zeroes. I checked it like a hundred times to make sure there were two zeroes. And so when you said that you only got one 5, one 0 and one K. I was like, you've got to be kidding me. Actually, that's not what I said, but I'm not gonna say what I said.
Haley Radke: It was so funny because in the box, I was like [00:04:00] searching, it's a tiny little Amazon box. I was like, there's gotta be the other zero here. It's not here. But there was a slip that said we've only shipped part of your order.
Reshma McClintock: Yes. So this is the part of the story I've been waiting to get to the most.
Haley Radke: Oh, okay. Okay.
Reshma McClintock: Because, yes, the other zero was coming. It was proof that I did in fact check and make sure that I clicked two zeros for “500 K.”
Haley Radke: No, what's proof is that you're about to keep me so humble because at some point in time in the next few weeks, I'm just gonna get a zero delivered to me
Reshma McClintock: No. No, they canceled it.
Haley Radke: No
Reshma McClintock: I don't think the zero's coming. So that's the last part of the story, like a day later, two days later, I got an email that said we've refunded your $6.50 because the other zero wasn't gonna make it in time.
Haley Radke: I was waiting for my zero to just be like, listen, Haley, you hit a half a million, but you're still a zero.
Reshma McClintock: Yeah, seriously, that would've been a real boost. Too funny. But what did I tell you? Originally, I told you when I [00:05:00] found out that the last zero was still on its way. I said when you hit a million, I'll only have to send five zeros. You can hold onto that one. So anyway, as it turns out, when you hit a million in just a few short months, I'm sure, I'll have to get all six zeros. So that’s good. It's okay. I'm willing to spend the money.
Haley Radke: I appreciate that so much. Okay. Can I tell you, I wanna tell you a couple things. When I launched in July of 2016. So July 1 was my official launch date, but at the time, Apple Podcasts wouldn't give you a specific date that your show would go live. Now, standard practice, when you have a new podcast, you do a little intro and you put it up there, and then whenever it's up, then you're like, okay, good, now it's live.
Now I can promote it, put up a real episode, all that. I went through my screenshots the other night which is not a good idea if you wanna feel good about yourself, just look at all the things you've screenshot. [00:06:00] But I looked and I had a screenshot on July 4th. By then I had 300 downloads, and I remember showing that to Nick and being so excited and, oh my gosh, that was so crazy.
And then I hit 10,000 downloads in February, 2017. And I remember thinking, oh my goodness, this is such a huge milestone, like 10,000, picture 10,000 people, and here we are, it's 500,000, which is
Reshma McClintock: Did you ever think you'd get here?
Haley Radke: No.
Reshma McClintock: You didn't think so?
Haley Radke: No.
Reshma McClintock: So you would see the numbers going up occasionally as you would check, and you'd hit different milestones.
I'm just thinking about how many milestones you went through to get to 500,000. You think 10,000, then you think 15, and 17 even, everything's a big deal. And so I'm guessing you've watched yourself go in increments?
Haley Radke: Yeah, and I am in a lot of different groups with other [00:07:00] podcasters who are very indie, niche, similar to me. And when they hear about my numbers, they're often like, whoa, that's amazing. Because it's unusual. There are so many podcasts. There's just tons and tons of them, and it's unusual to have that many downloads.
The stats as far as I know, I listen to Libsyn, they're my podcast host, and they host about a quarter of all the podcasts that are available in Apple Podcasts, and they say that about 80% of shows get around 150 downloads an episode. So it takes a long time to add up to something like half a million for those kinds of numbers. So yeah. I didn't really expect it. And after a while, you're just producing the show, making sure you're making good content.
And like I said, I'll admit I used to check religiously [00:08:00] and in those first few days, just refresh, refresh, did I get one more? Did I get one more? And now I just go post the show. I don't even look often at the numbers.
Reshma McClintock: And the numbers are an affirmation. The numbers are not just numbers, they are people. And we know that the show has been wildly successful, apart from the numbers, just in transforming the lives of so many adopted people and opening the eyes of so many non-adopted people. And because of that you stop and think all of those numbers represent an individual person.
And then even how that webs out, right? Like how many people did they talk to about the show? How many people have they shared with, even if they just shared the information. And even if that person didn't listen, your reach is much broader than I think you can even fathom. And that is so exciting.
And so I know you go through phases where you look at the statistics and you become obsessed. And then you just do the job that you have been doing so beautifully for the last few years. This is so exciting. I cannot tell you, just to sound so [00:09:00] cheesy, how honored I am that I get to celebrate with you. As a personal friend, I'm so just in awe of you so frequently.
And also as someone in the adoptee movement, as someone who's an adopted person who stood up and said, I am not going to allow the world to speak for me any longer, and the way that you have done that so beautifully and so powerfully. I am so proud of you and I just can't believe I'm someone who gets to celebrate with you.
It's really worth noting. It is worth the pause. It's worth the minute to take the mismatched balloons and raise them in the air and say a cheer and just soak it all in. I hope you're really able to soak in what you've accomplished so far, and that this will just continue to catapult you forward.
And I can't really even fathom where you would go. At one point you could never have imagined being where you are now. And if you sit with that for a minute. Oh my goodness, imagine where you'll go next. It's really exciting.
Haley Radke: Goosebumps, hearing you talking about [00:10:00] that. I was just asking Nick the other day 'cause he's had a transition at work and his boss resigned and there's a new boss and I was like, oh, how do you picture yourself in five years? Are you gonna do the same job?
And then he asked me the same and I was like, oh my goodness. Will I still be podcasting in five years? I don't know.
Reshma McClintock: Right. Yeah. It's hard to know.
Haley Radke: It is hard to know. Another cool thing that I've shared before when I've hit these milestones. Before or on birthday moments, I might post on Instagram what the current stats are just 'cause I think it's fun and I think people are interested to see.
But the show's been downloaded in over 144 countries.
Reshma McClintock: Wow.
Haley Radke: Which is almost but not quite all of them; it's three quarters of them.
Reshma McClintock: Yes. Worth noting. Wow.
Haley Radke: Yeah. And so I think there's something of real significance there. Adoptees are scattered through the entire world. Now, not necessarily all English speaking of course.
That's North American-centric thinking in my head. But [00:11:00] yeah, I think that's really neat. And the other cool thing I wanted to tell you is the top 10 countries that regularly listen.
Reshma McClintock: Yes, I wanna hear this.
Haley Radke: Okay. So of course number one is the United States. 70% of my listeners are in the US.
Reshma McClintock: The US has to be first at everything. I'm just kidding.
Haley Radke: And then I go to my country. Did you know I'm Canadian? Some of my listeners don't know that I'm in Canada.
Reshma McClintock: This is international here.
Haley Radke: So 6% of my listeners are Canadian. And then we go to the UK, Australia, they're both at 4% each.
And then Ireland, Germany, New Zealand, France, Sweden, and South Africa.
Reshma McClintock: Oh wow. That is very cool.
Haley Radke: Yes.
Reshma McClintock: That is so significant.
Haley Radke: I love that. And I've interviewed adoptees, I think, in eight different countries and maybe adoptees adopted from probably only a dozen countries. When I started out podcasting, there was only a couple of other adoptee [00:12:00] podcasts and one of them strictly focused on international adoptees, and the host was an international adoptee himself.
And so I really was like, oh, that's your space. And that show has paused. We call it “pod-fading” as podcasters, pod fading. That doesn't mean he won't come back, but yeah, so I've had lots of requests for international adoptees to share, and so I started doing that a little further on in my podcasting journey. But yeah, it's really incredible the amount of lives touched by adoption all over the world.
Reshma McClintock: Yeah. And I have to tell you, as a transracial international adoptee, as a person of color, I appreciate that you at one point had paused to say, is that my space? Is someone else filling that space? Obviously. However I will say, because I've had the opportunity to be on your show a few times and listen to multiple transracial international adoptees, how powerful it is. And one of the things that [00:13:00] you do so well, which I know you are frequently complimented on, although you wouldn't share that yourself, is that you are so good at listening and elevating voices and so you are not like, let me provide you with this platform.
You're like, I'm here to listen. I want you to be able to share because I want to learn, because I want to know. And I just appreciate the way that you do that. It's a tricky thing, especially in today's cultural and political climate, but I think it's something you do really well. And it's something you've learned about as you've grown and as you've listened.
it's just something that I really appreciate. I know you so well, so I know you would never be like, I provide a platform for people of all colors and races. It's not about that. It's about the education. It's about the opportunity for all of us to learn from people of different cultures and backgrounds and different experiences. And you so well provide that platform without talking over your guests and just allowing them to share and asking all [00:14:00] the right questions so that we can all learn together.
It's a very unique thing that you're able to do so well.
Haley Radke: Thank you. I appreciate that so much. And I do try very hard to come into each interview just in a space of learning. A posture of learning. We've heard enough podcasts where the host tries to mansplain and all of those kinds of things. And this is not the place for that, for sure.
Reshma McClintock: Yeah.
Haley Radke: I heard that you might have a couple questions for me, and that makes me feel nervous, but okay.
Reshma McClintock: Okay. Might need a drum roll or something. I should have planned a sound effect, drum roll, something, because this is the moment that I've been waiting for to ask you questions. On air. We've gone back and forth a little bit, a few times, but you told me that I could basically ask you whatever I want, and I appreciate that. It's one of the things I love about you.
Haley Radke: I don't think I said that, but okay.
Reshma McClintock: Listen, we're here. Let's just go with it.
Haley Radke: Okay. [00:15:00]
Reshma McClintock: Yeah, you didn't say that. That's not true. You didn't say, I can ask you whatever I want.
Haley Radke: I feel like you're just trying to get me to acknowledge permission ahead of some invasive questions.
Reshma McClintock: Oh no. I'm not looking for permission. I've learned a long time ago, it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission so I’m kidding.
I wanna know, there are a lot of people in the adoption community who listen to your show, obviously. A lot of people use the word “transformative” when they talk about this show, that this show has been transformative in their life, that this show has made them feel less alone.
Anne Heffron, our good friend, has frequently said that in many ways this show saved her life and had a great influence, I should say, in saving her life. And a lot of us listen to you and think, wow. I listen to you and your guests, rather, and think, wow, where else could I have learned this information?
This is truly transformative. It's the first time [00:16:00] I've heard this specific thing stated in this specific way, and I have a better understanding of adoptees and their lives and their experiences, and it has been so incredibly transformative for so many people. I want to know for you personally, in what ways has it been transformative for you? Haley Radke adopted person, not Haley Radke the professional podcaster and interviewer? I wanna know what has that been like for you personally? In what ways has it transformed you?
Haley Radke: Okay. That feels like a, just a huge question and it really is true that it has transformed me and I could answer the professional one, you said not to, but I feel like I've gained a lot of confidence and, you wouldn't know it now, but I feel like I'm a lot more of a polished speaker. Editing is magical. But personally I feel like after every [00:17:00] episode where I record with someone, I think here's 10 more things I need to talk about with my psychologist. It's really shaped me to look at my own issues deeper.
Things that I had covered up, was coping with, things that I had hidden. And the more my guests share about the courageous steps they've taken to find healing from a variety of different ways that they feel adoption has impacted them, the more I feel brave enough to be like, maybe this is the next thing I can talk about with my psychologist.
Truly, personally, I've grown a ton from listening to other people and it also has really humbled me. It has really truly [00:18:00] humbled me. The honor it is to listen to people's stories. Sometimes they haven't shared them before, and I try and be really careful with that.
I try and make sure that guests are ready to talk about things publicly. We've seen so many people overshare things and can't reel it back in once it's out there. We've seen so many young adoptees especially, you have personal experience with this. I think I'm not oversharing for you, but you had become a poster child for adoption in youth and paraded around saying adoption's so amazing. Look, it saved my life.
Reshma McClintock: Absolutely.
Haley Radke: So there's the cost of that. So I try and really walk a fine line of not asking someone to overshare in that way. But the trust they put in me, sharing things sometimes for the first time, is so humbling. How am I, a stranger, able to hear these really deep things that are coming from the bottom of your heart, and then you're trusting not just me, but my [00:19:00] listeners.
So yeah, I've grown a lot and learned a lot. And trust me, there is no one who's been more impacted by the show than me.
Reshma McClintock: Wow. That is a really fascinating statement. Interesting. That you've been the most impacted. I guess what I really appreciate about what you had to say is that I think that in adoption land, and we all do this, and you and I have talked about this before.
There are these pedestals that we put different adoptees on. There's a rotation, right? After you've been in adoption land for a long time, you see these are the new faces. Oh, this is the new person. And that's not necessarily a negative thing. There's new people coming up and sharing all the time, and I love that.
And I talk about that frequently, about the seasons, right? We're in a different season. I'm in a season of. Productivity? No, not me, but this is just an example. Surely not me, but sometimes I have before, had seasons of incredible productivity. And really, this is my moment. This is [00:20:00] my season, this is my time.
I'm gonna be one of the people out there sharing and doing a lot of work and putting a lot of effort out there, which I appreciate and love that we can come and go because for me it's about taking breaks and for my own family's sake or for whatever reason, right? Different seasons for different reasons.
However, what I appreciate is that you are not putting yourself on a pedestal. I think that's a really important thing for us as adopted people to note, and you just demonstrated that so well, because I think a lot of people will look at you and be like, oh, Haley, I wanna get to where she is, not professionally. Well, a lot of people think that too, but I just mean thinking, oh, she clearly has it together. She's clearly got things sorted out and figured out emotionally as it pertains to adoption and all of that because of where she is.
And the reality is we shouldn't be trying to attain to get to where anybody else is. It's all about our own personal journey, and I just appreciate that you're willing to say, of course, I haven't arrived. And there [00:21:00] is no arrival destination, but that you're constantly working on yourself and discovering new ways that you can learn and grow and new things that you need to address.
I find that with your show, of course, and so many other people do, but to know that the host is I'm here to learn. I am here to grow personally in my own journey with my psychologist, with my therapist, with my family as it pertains to reunion or whatever the different specific areas are. I think that's a really bold statement that you made that one of the ways that it's transformed you is that you walk away with 10 things or so to really think about and work on.
I think that's a really powerful statement. And again, not to say that you aren't someone that people should look up to, I absolutely believe you are, but that is one of the reasons, not because you've arrived, but because you're working through all of the things that you need to work through on this journey.
Haley Radke: I think you're talking me up too much.
Reshma McClintock: Truly I'm not meaning to, that's not my intention. I'm not trying to flatter you.
Haley Radke: Okay.
Reshma McClintock: Yeah. So I [00:22:00] know you 'cause I know where you're going. I know I just think that it's a powerful thing that you can say that because I think a lot of people in your position with your kind of success wouldn't necessarily say, I am still learning every day and in the show that you happen to provide and host and curate that it is even benefiting you in your journey on your path. That it's not like I've arrived so I'm going to host this podcast so other people can get to where I am. That's not what it's about. It's about collectively growing in our own paths and our own journey.
So I think that's really wonderful.
Haley Radke: One thing I have felt fearful of with the show is we talk about a lot of hard things and a lot of adopted people are always being accused of being so negative if we're critical at all about adoption and I don't want us to stay stuck in the bad experiences.
And it's so important to me that we do seek healing and [00:23:00] growing ourselves. And if I'm not gonna model that, I'm a complete hypocrite. So I really do think it's important for us to be working on that. And I hope that with the ways I have, the Healing Series and I have therapists on and some of the questions of the guests, like sometimes I ask guests like, what have you been learning in therapy and is there a question I can ask you that you can teach us from, because I want them to give an opportunity to be like this is where I came from, but here's all the things I've worked on, because they're examples for us as well. It's so important to not stay stuck and that's just a human thing.
Reshma McClintock: That really is, I love that. I think you've had so many, I couldn't even start to list, good therapists on who talk about that a lot, about them being on their own journey also. They want to help people; obviously, meet them where they are, but that they're also doing their own personal work.
And I think just in general, across the board, outside adoption, we all [00:24:00] have to be doing the work on ourselves. And that's where we flourish really. So the problem is just like what you said, the dangerous territory is when we get stuck. And there's no growth.
So I just appreciate looking at someone like you where, I think, professionally you've had this success. It's just remarkable what you've done, that you've created out of nothing without any experience. The fruit that you have produced is just really extraordinary.
And to hear from someone, frankly, at your level, that you are still learning and listening and all the benefits that you personally find, I love that. So thank you for answering that question. I know that was a lot.
Haley Radke: Let's just talk about me some more. That's just my favorite.
Reshma McClintock: Yeah, I know you, this is your favorite thing.
Okay, let's see. I also wanted to know what is your favorite part of the show? What is your favorite aspect of doing the show? And I've heard you say to [00:25:00] me many times, and I love hearing it from you every time that people will share their stories with you is so powerful.
What do you love about Adoptees On? If you can, can you pull yourself out of it at all? Are you able to separate yourself at all from Adoptees On and say this is what I love about Adoptees On?
Haley Radke: Oh my goodness. That's tricky. I was a podcast listener for a decade before I started this show, so when podcasts were starting. So I have listened to podcasts for years and years, and I structured the show in a way that was my favorite format. And I think some of my favorite moments of the podcast itself, each episode, are the last couple questions that come right before recommended resources.
So it's always the questions that are wrapping up the interview. This is their last chance to share with the listeners some powerful thing that has impacted them. [00:26:00] I feel like those are the moments that are like the penultimate, I don't know. Because we wrap up with recommended resources and I'm usually sharing something, if it's an author I'm usually sharing about their book, and they're gonna promo something else and that's great too. But it's just like those moments right before, and I feel too like guests often relax by recommended resources. So they're comfortable at that point and share some pretty amazing things. So I feel those last couple questions are my favorite usually.
Reshma McClintock: Oh, I love that. That's good to know. Now the pressure's on for future interviewees. No, I'm kidding.
Haley Radke: Yeah. Watch out. Question seven. That's the one.
Reshma McClintock: My last question for you is this: If I am new to Adoptees On, and I were jumping in and it's, whoa, she's had 500,000 downloads, a half a million downloads, how many episodes could she have? How could I ever jump in and get caught up [00:27:00] and listen and know what this show is all about? First, I'd like to know how many episodes do you have, quickly,
Haley Radke: This is gonna be Episode 155.
Reshma McClintock: Love it. 155 episodes. So if I'm someone coming in and there are 155 episodes. I'm not asking you to pick your favorite child or anything here, but could you pick a reasonable number of episodes that you would recommend to give someone a crash course in Adoptees On and, frankly, the host, who you are, because that's a huge part of the show, but are there a certain number of episodes that you could get to give someone a crash course on Adoptees On?
Is that something you could include in the show notes for this episode?
Haley Radke: Okay. This was a big ask and thank goodness Reshma did warn me about this question. I'm gonna separate it into two, okay? So if you wanna get to know me a little better and you haven't binged all the episodes, which some of you say you do, just a few days’ time, which is too many, that is too many hours of me talking. Don't do that.
If you [00:28:00] wanna get to know me a little bit better. I actually share my story in Episode 13 and it's a long episode. We start off with a couple different things, so if you just wanna hear my story, I start around the 28-minute mark of that episode and that is about my failed reunion with my first mother.
And then unusually the other two episodes where you could learn a little bit more about me. These are some of the only episodes I have that are with a guest who's not adopted, but they are people that are in my life. And so I have an episode, Episode 58, with my husband, and he talks about what it's like being married to an adoptee. So if you want more dirt on me, hit that one up. Nick shares all the dirt. There's not that much dirt.
And then the third one is an episode that I feel is quite controversial. I have had feedback on both [00:29:00] sides of that fence. It's very polarizing. So it's Episode 86 and I actually interview my biological father's wife, and I call her mom, because I call her mom, And she shares what Reunion was like for her. And it's a challenging listen, but it gives you a good perspective of how our reunion went.
So those are the pieces where if you wanna get to know me more, and if you have people in your life or around you, you probably do, and the impact that your presence might have in their life, you might see some of that in these.
Reshma McClintock: I just wrote 'em down too, because I've listened to all of those, but I'm going back to re-listen.
Haley Radke: Okay, great. Now the other ones, that's so hard, it's really tough to pick. What I did is I wrote down the top three downloaded shows.
And the first one is an episode I did with Carrie. It is Episode 1 [00:30:00] with Carrie Cahill Mulligan. She is my co-host most of the time on Adoptees Off Script, which is the Patreon-only show that I also do weekly. Did you know I have two podcasts every week? Oh my gosh, Resh. It's a lot.
Reshma McClintock: It's a lot.
Haley Radke: It's a lot.
Reshma McClintock: It's amazing.
Haley Radke: So if you need to hear me talk more, I talk a lot more on that one than I do on my own podcast here. But Carrie shares about her reunion and we'd really go back and forth. This was much more of a back-and-forth conversation. What you're used to now is really not hearing too much of me. My editor. I don't know. She might roll her eyes at this. Is this too many secrets? Sometimes I get her to cut out my questions so that the guests can seem like they just keep talking and they have another thought and they go onto a different topic because I don't want it to be about me.
Reshma McClintock: Wow. I love that.
Haley Radke: So this is a little bit rougher, and the sound, everything. We're a lot more professional around here.
Reshma McClintock: [00:31:00] Episode 1 and you're on 155. We can have grace for that.
Haley Radke: There you go. There’s some grace. The second most downloaded one. I wonder if you're gonna be surprised by this? It's Episode 128 and it's with Blake Gibbons.
Reshma McClintock: Oh, I love Blake Gibbons.
Haley Radke: So if you want to hear about adoptee advocacy and the challenges in that space, and if you wanna be thinking about ethics and all the complicated things that come with adoption and advocacy, this is the one to listen to.
Reshma McClintock: Blake makes my head hurt in the best way.
Haley Radke: Yes,
Reshma McClintock: Because they are so smart and wise and kind and energetic and all the good things.
Haley Radke: That's right.
Reshma McClintock: So yay, Blake.
Haley Radke: That's right, I agree. The third most-downloaded episode is an episode with a therapist we've had on the show multiple times, Pam Cordano. But this [00:32:00] episode is Episode 85 and she asked her two adult daughters to come and share what it's like to have an adoptee as their mother.
Reshma McClintock: Okay, how have I not heard that one? Okay, I gotta write that down too. 85.
Haley Radke: So if you wanna talk about putting yourself out there and putting yourself on possible blast and sharing our dirty laundry. That is an episode. It is amazing. It's one of the most powerful, and that's why I think it's one of the most downloaded. Who gets to listen in on that kind of conversation? Who?
Reshma McClintock: Wow. Yeah, I haven't listened to that episode and I'm going to do that today. That is wonderful.
Haley Radke: So there are a bunch of different series I used to do: the Reunion Series, the Adoptees in Addiction, Adoptees in Relationships, Healing through Creativity. And the Healing Series continues with all the therapist interviews.
So all of those are linked on adopteeson.com. I really can't pick a favorite, [00:33:00] but I do think if what you're struggling with the most right now is relationships, and that's number one thing that people will say to me, then listen to that series and I think you'll get a lot from it.
Reshma McClintock: I love that. Thank you so much for sharing those. I think that it can be really overwhelming to come into a show with 500,000 downloads and 155 episodes and think, whoa, where do I even start? So I think that's a really wonderful tool to have as a jumping off point. What I'm certain of is that as soon as anybody listens to any one, two, or all of those episodes, they're going to wanna go back to the beginning and have a Haley binge.
So yeah, I imagine that'll just be all that people need to get sucked in because there's just so much goodness. When you really think about what those 500,000 downloads entail, like the knowledge and wisdom and emotions and experiences shared in each of those episodes and downloads and how they must impact [00:34:00] people, it's really like the mind-blown emoji. It's a lot to take in.
Haley Radke: Totally. Thank you for grilling me. I mean thank you for interviewing me. I know she could have asked a lot for the dirt, but there isn't any
Reshma McClintock: I'm selfish. I like to keep those for myself.
Haley Radke: Oh, that's, yeah, it's private.
Reshma McClintock: That's for Vox.
Haley Radke: It's for Voxer. Blackmail later. Down the road. Yeah. Alright,
Reshma McClintock: Yours can be that someday you'll interview my daughter.
Haley Radke: Only when she's an adult. And she can consent to that.
Reshma McClintock: No, I'm not as brave as Pam Cordano.
Haley Radke: Oh my goodness. Yeah. She's pretty amazing.
Okay, we're gonna wrap up with recommended resources, but first I'm gonna tell you the five things I've learned after 500,000 downloads. So number five, we're gonna count up to the top. Number five is that internet friendships are really real [00:35:00] and the connections that I've made online are so true and can be deeper sometimes than some of my in-person friendships.
The friends I've made on the Patreon Facebook group, dms on Instagram, through emails people have sent me, it's really special and I don't have words for it. And including my friendship with you, it's pretty amazing the level adoptees can go to with understanding each other right away. And I think sometimes internet friendships get a bad rap, like is that really like a thing? And it is. It's a real thing.
Reshma McClintock: Agreed.
Haley Radke: Number four, something I mentioned a little bit earlier, the experience of being adopted and being human. This is gonna sound like obvious, but it's absolutely tangled together, enmeshed. I have multiple listeners, you might not know this, that don't have a connection whatsoever to adoption, and they [00:36:00] learn so much from our stories.
And I think that the pain, the trauma that we've been through from adoption leads a lot of us to seek healing like we talked about earlier. And it's actually really inspiring for others, even outside of our community to hear. And I'm really proud of that for us as adoptees speaking up that we can impact people even outside of adoptee land.
Okay. Number three is that adopted people are very generous. I right now actually have over 150 monthly supporters, and they keep the lights on here, they keep my editor paid and they keep the podcast free and available to anyone who needs support. And I see some of those same people giving to other adoptee podcasters.
Adoptee Kickstarters, other adoptee Patreons that are doing art, writing, you name [00:37:00] it, they are willing to put their money where they think the resources need to be made, and they are helping impact their community by doing that. And so I thank you for your generosity and your willingness to do that. And I see it and it's amazing.
Reshma McClintock: Oh, I love that.
Haley Radke: Okay. Number two, adoptive people can be extremely passionate about our fights for original birth certificates, for citizenship, for family preservation. Oh, my word. Have we seen the people doing the work in these areas? Wow. I don't even, I don't even know how much more I can speak on that point.
I think it's evident to me, it should be evident to you if you've listened to any number of these podcasts. The passion, the drive, the fire in some of these advocates. It is awe-inspiring. I don't know how they do it. It's [00:38:00] amazing. And like we are cheering you on. Okay.
Reshma McClintock: Yeah. That's amazing. And so true.
Haley Radke: Okay, number one, I think this will be my second time crying, so I'm okay. I mean on this episode. Okay, this is not new information, but it's the most important.
Adoptee voices matter. And when you create a place of safety and are willing to be vulnerable with your own story, there's something really magical that happens between us, myself, my guests, with you listening. You get to listen and feel like you're sitting with us. And truly you are because my office is surrounded with your words, the books you've written and sent to me.
I'm looking at a wall filled with cards and [00:39:00] letters. I have art you've made for me, embroidery, paintings. My purse, two of my purses are made by adoptees. I have a mug fired in a kiln that is by an adoptee. All of these things surround my office and surround me while I'm talking to guests. And it's a constant reminder that your voices matter no matter how they're expressed.
If I hear your voice and we're sharing them audibly with listeners, or I'm seeing your words and your art, your creations, the show has turned into my love letter back to you, to adopted people, and I just wanna remind you that you're not alone. Your voice matters and it matters so much to me. Okay. That's it.
Reshma McClintock: Oh my gosh. I [00:40:00] am wrecked. Haley, I just want to say on behalf of adopted people who love and appreciate you, who listen to your show, who've seen your work, who have read the things you've written, who've been impacted by anything that you have done for our community, thank you. I know that is not what you're looking for here.
We didn't discuss this, but I just want you to know how thankful we collectively as a community are for you and for your work and for how deeply you love our community and how committed you are to it. So thank you for elevating adoptee voices. I just couldn't thank you enough.
Haley Radke: Thank you. Okay. I'm supposed to be the one that's ready with the transition voice. Let's do a recommended resource. No, seriously. Thank you. I appreciate that. And I know that Adoptees On is appreciated and loved. And, like I said, I have letters from people. Did you know you could send me letters? I have a PO Box on my website and I love getting [00:41:00] cards and it's really fun. My boys love it. Where's the stamp from?
Reshma McClintock: I love that. That's great. I wanna add one thing really quickly. Sorry, I'm going off. I'm going rogue. Okay. Brace yourselves.
Haley Radke: Okay.
Reshma McClintock: I just also wanna say your show has also been the catalyst for so many other adoptee organizations or websites or podcasts. I know, because I get to talk to you personally, how many adoptees have consulted you before starting their own podcasts. You're very quiet and very humble about that, but you're also very gracious with sharing the space and acknowledging that there is room for all of us to do our own individual work, even if it's along the same lines of something that someone is already doing.
That there is space for all of us. So I think that's a really powerful, important thing that a part of that success, a part of those 500,000 downloads is that you have helped other people build their own dream of elevating adoptee voices in their own way, on their own podcast, on their own website, in their own book, whatever it looks like for them [00:42:00]. That Adoptees On has been a catalyst for that. And that is really important to acknowledge, especially as you go into recommended resources.
See, look, there's a good transition.
Because that's one of the other really powerful things you do is elevating adoptees, not just who you're interviewing but other resources in our community.
Haley Radke: Thank you for acknowledging that. I'm laughing because Reshma knows good and well that I do not like compliments or any of those things. It makes me very uncomfortable. I'm fine. Okay.
Reshma McClintock: That’s like the 16th time you've said, I’m fine.
Haley Radke: I'm fine, I’m fine. There's a terrible acronym for that and that is what I am. You can look it up on Google. I was gonna say Urban Dictionary, but don't do that. If it's really gross and terrible, I don't mean that. I just mean you're not really fine, but you're fine. Okay. You know what, since you brought that up, I know there are over [00:43:00] 35 other adoptee-run podcasts. Did you know that number was that high?
Reshma McClintock: I did not, no clue.
Haley Radke: Okay. Those are the ones that I have been watching and seeing grow over the years. The first one that I know of was started in 2016, and that's The Rambler. I actually had Mike McDonald on the show a long ways back but he was the first one that I know of.
And shortly after that, April Dinwoodie started Born in June, Raised in April in February of 2016. And I started July 1, 2016. So 2016 was a big year for adoptee podcasts and I recommended many of them on the show before. And if you're looking for more adoptee podcasts, just search 'em out. They are out there for sure.
The second thing that I should shout out is Lesli Johnson. She is an adoptee [00:44:00] therapist who has been on the podcast a number of times. She was my very first Healing Series therapist that I had as a guest, and I don't even know how many times she's been on. It's close to 10, I would guess.
Reshma McClintock: I love Lesli.
Haley Radke: Yeah, she is amazing. I've met her in person before. She's just as delightful in person. And, oh my word. The feedback I get from people that have been her clients, it's like topnotch. She has just launched a course just for us, for adult adoptees, it's pretty incredible. I trust her. I know her expertise.
She's worked in this field for a number of years, and she is up to date on all the things trauma related. So I haven't personally been through this course, but what I'm saying to you is I can endorse it because I know Lesli and I endorse her. The course is called “Come Out of the Fog and Into Your Life: Rewire your Brain for Resilience and Joy.” A six-week course for adult adoptees. [00:45:00]
Now, the time we're recording this, it's gonna start right away next week, but if you go to adoption.com, you can find out how to register and if you have already missed this round, I'm sure she's gonna be doing it again and I'm sure there's details there of how you can sign up and be notified the next time she's running it.
So please go and do that if that sounds like something that would be important for you. We talk all through this episode about how important healing is, and if you've connected with Lesli in some of the Healing Series episodes that she's done, then you probably know that this might be a good fit for you.
So if you sign up, let me know. I wanna hear about it. I wanna hear if it's something I should sign up for in my spare time. Honestly, if it wasn't pandemic times and I wasn't concerned my kids would be home again with me any day now, I would be signing up this round. But I'm gonna wait. I think that's my recommended resource.
Reshma McClintock: I love it. I love Lesli. I'm on board.
Haley Radke: Alright Reshma, we've talked a lot about me today, but you are [00:46:00] the creator of “Dear Adoption,” a producer and the subject of the documentary Calcutta is My Mother. And I know you've been on the podcast before sharing about those things, but where can people connect with you online to read Dear Adoption and to see more of your work and to find out more about your documentary?
Reshma McClintock: Dear Adoption is dearadoption.com and we've been on a bit of a hiatus for some time but there will be more at Dear Adoption. I think that Dear Adoption will forever be a thing, but there are going to be some breaks here and there, which I think is also really healthy. Dearadoption.com is a great place to go to listen to a wide variety of adoptee voices. Haley being one of them, actually. You've been on twice. We have, I think, two on there from you.
Haley Radke: I think I do.
Reshma McClintock: I love them both. And the film. Actually, we had to postpone our screening in Minneapolis last spring. But that screening is not canceled. Just postponed. Probably looking at 2021 at this point.
And then hopefully soon after, the film will [00:47:00] be released for streaming available worldwide. So we will keep you posted on that. But thank you so much for bringing up my couple of little projects. You're always so kind and generous with your promotion and I appreciate it.
Haley Radke: I'm eye rolling 'cause you said “little” projects. Okay. We know that Reshma is a force in adoptee land.
Reshma McClintock: Thank you.
Haley Radke: So, all right. Thank you so much for celebrating with me today. I have my balloons up here still, my mismatched balloons and I'm really sad to hear that zero is not coming. I was really hoping for that, but I'm using “zero day” just to keep me humble.
Reshma McClintock: I can still send you one.
Haley Radke: It's been a pleasure chatting with you. Thank you so much, Reshma.
Reshma McClintock: Thank you. Love you.
Haley Radke: Love you back.
On re-listening to our conversation, I feel like I did not express to you how shocked I felt that the show reached half a million [00:48:00] downloads and that each download represents a human person who most likely is an adopted person, some of whom have never heard from other adult adoptees on the impact adoption has had on them.
And so they found the show, and that download counts as a person who was able to hear someone else who had an experience just like they did, and they felt that they were not alone. So thank you. Thank you for being one of those people who downloaded this episode and thought adoptee voices were so valuable that you really wanted to listen and hear part of the adoptee experience. So thank you for being a part of that.
I also want to express my great thanks again to my monthly supporters. Without you guys, I don't know that this show would've reached this [00:49:00] milestone and continued for four years as it has. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. If you want to join my supporters and if you think Adoptees On is impactful, that is an amazing way to support the show. Adopteeson.com/partner has details of that.
And like I was telling Reshma, there's the Adoptees Off Script podcast that's also weekly that I do for my Patreon supporters. And there's other things in there. But honestly, the best way and the free way to support the show is to tell just one other adopted person about the podcast.
And Reshma was saying, oh my gosh, there's so many episodes, 155. Where would you get started? If you are sharing the show with someone, it's amazing if you show them how to download a podcast if they've never done it before. Pick your favorite app. I love Overcast. There's lots of free ones if you're on an Android.
Download your favorite episode of the [00:50:00] show, something that has really been meaningful to you, or if there's one that relates to your friend's experience that they might find value in. Pick one of those. I really appreciate it and I do think once someone has listened then they’ll scroll through and find what they're interested in. So I think that's really helpful. Sharing the show with one person is amazing.
Another thing you can do is share the podcast on social media. Again, share an episode that you love and that you think your friends would love. And I'm so grateful 'cause so many of you do that regularly and I really appreciate that.
So thank you so much for spreading adoptee voices all around the world to over 144 countries 500,000 times. It's more than that by now. I just checked as I was editing. I just checked and I'm at 507,000 or something already, so there's already another 7,000. It's just [00:51:00] snowballing, which is wild. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening. I love you. Your voice is valuable. Your story matters, and I wish I could hear each one of you share your story on the show.
If you have listened this long, if you've made it to the end, I want you to know that I have opened up applications to be on the podcast, and I'm already receiving more than I could possibly interview, but I know that you've listened all the way to the end of the show, that you are excited about Adoptees On, and maybe you wanna share your story.
So if you go to adopteeson.com and you go to the connect page, there's instructions there on how to apply to be on the show. It includes recording yourself. A little message about what you would wanna say to adoptees. Share a little bit of your story with me. Why you think you'd be a good [00:52:00] fit for the podcast, and who knows? Maybe you'll be on the next episode of the podcast.
Thank you so much for listening. Let's talk again next Friday.
